Understanding and Managing Parental Pressure

A significant portion of stress experienced by students stems from academic and school-related pressures. However, do parents also contribute to this stress? Have you ever felt compelled to make specific decisions or adopt certain behaviors solely because your parents desire it? Parental pressure, simply defined as emotional stress exerted by parents upon their children, can arise from various factors, including academic performance, sports, extracurricular activities, cultural expectations, friendships, and more. And it manifests in diverse forms, ranging from direct pressure such as yelling, ordering, threats, or force, to indirect pressure like guilt-tripping or constant reminders of strict expectations. Yet, have you ever pondered the underlying reasons behind your parents' actions or considered appropriate responses?

Reasons behind parental Pressue

Often, constant pressure or negative reinforcement from parents can evoke emotions like anger, frustration, or genuine confusion. For parents, the perception of doing the right thing and the belief that this pressure is necessary can be strong. However the reason behind this pressure can be multifaceted. External anxieties, such as the rapid advancement of AI, economic instability, and rising costs, contribute to parents' concerns about the future– particularly its implication for their children. For instance, concerns about employment rates and the pursuit of a decent salary might motivate parents to encourage their children to enter fields where they believe their children have a higher chance of success, even if it’s not their children's own field of interest. This belief stems from the assumption that securing a good salary and better career opportunities outweigh the potential risks associated with pursuing an interest that may not offer as stable options as their plan. Consequently, parents may exert greater pressure to align their children's choices with their own expectations.

Secondly, another motivation could be the way our parents were raised. They might have been consistently pressured by their parents, believing it is the norm of parenting. This is especially true if your parents were raised in a more traditional way where cultural norms may be stricter. For instance, Asian parents often tend to be stricter in terms of academic pressure and their parenting style in general. Alternatively, parents could have been raised with emotionally distant or overburdened parents, which might have led them to try and compensate, possibly even overcompensate. According to Relational Psych, 86% of parents reported that they pressured their kids because they wanted to be more attentive than their distant parents had been. These are just a few possible reasons why parents pressure their kids. Remember, while you may think a certain way, your parents likely had different values and may not necessarily share your perspective. 

Impact of Parental Pressure & Why it’s Unhealthy to Be Complacent

Now that we’ve delved deeper into our parents' reasoning, it is crucial to acknowledge the impact of that pressure and why it’s unhealthy to be complacent. Consistent pressure can have numerous negative consequences. For instance, it can lead to mental health risk such as anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, and even eating disorders and social withdrawal. It can also cause excessive stress for teenagers. If pushed onto paths that don’t align with their own interests, teenagers may become unhappy and underperform.

A toxic achievement culture can also be cultivated. When success and achievement are relentlessly prioritized for students, and their identity is tied to these accomplishments, it can lead students to negative self-perception, even when they’re doing well. The idea of “you must achieve to matter” fosters a surge in burnout, loneliness, and emotional distress. Students may constantly feel compelled to be the first, be “winning”, turning everything into a competition, or downplaying their worth when they don’t meet their perceived needs. In extreme cases, they might even resort to cheating to maintain or attain those high grades.

Students might believe it's acceptable to succumb to their parents' pressure and simply comply with their demands. However, this can result in the lost of our own identity and sense of self. If everything about us is dictated or chosen by our parents, what about our own genuine interests and motivations? We’re unable to grow authentically and develop self-awareness. Even if we have little room to resist, we should still try our best to do so. By resisting passivity, we invites dialogue and personal direction.

How to Handle the Pressure

So, how exactly should this resistance look? What steps can you take to manage the pressure? A crucial aspect of handling this issue is getting your parents to understand you. Often, not enough communication between parents and their children leads parents to believe their children are fine with the pressure and that their action is justified. Parents may not be aware of your true aspirations, which is why it’s beneficial for them to understand your perspective. Express your feelings, articulate your genuine desires and share your experiences. Try to acknowledge their viewpoints and either redirect them or find a compromise that incorporates both perspectives. Even if you’re still being pressured to follow a path they plan out for you, attempt to incorporate your own interests into it– add your unique touch. Additionally, emphasize your effort over your result, which might help reduce pressure centered around outcomes. Family therapists could also help families understand their emotions and each other.

However, despite all these efforts, parents may still be unable to budge and see your perspective. And sometimes, this is the challenging reality we face. But that doesn’t mean you have to give up. You can still try your best to pursue your interests, possibly through school clubs or other external avenues– not everything needs to be dictated by your parents. Gradually, you can try to weave your interests into the fixed path they have created for you. Especially when you gain more freedom, like during college, you can extert greater control over your life and your interests.

Conclusion

Parental pressure is a complex and challenging topic to discuss. It encompasses various factors, including our own emotions, our parents' motivations, and societal norms. However, by being aware of these aspects and educating ourselves (and our parents) about them, we can gain a broader perspective and reduce the stress.

Perhaps you’ve been experiencing the negative effects of parental pressure without realizing its underlying causes. By becoming more aware of these effects, you can begin to understand the reasons behind them. There are numerous reasons and approaches to this topic, and I’ve only provided a few examples.

The reasons I’ve mentioned include external anxieties such as the rapid advancement of AI, economic instability, and other global issues. Cultural backgrounds and upbringings also play a significant role in how parents pressure us. They may believe that their actions are in our best interest, that this is the norm for parenting, or that they are compensating for their own past experiences.

Potential solutions to parental pressue include family therapy, compromising, and taking proactive steps to manage our own lives. Effective communication is crucial in reaching a solution, allowing both parents and children to express their perspectives and find common ground.

Even if you are unable to resolve the issue with your parents, it is important to maintain a connection with your interests through activities such as clubs or hobbies. Remember, every teenager's experience is unique, and what works for one may not work for another.

Ultimately, the key is to surround yourself with a healthy support network, stay true to yourself and your interests, and never lose your own sense of self.